Instructions For Grief

when sadness like this comes along

there is only one thing to do

put you down on your bed

switch out the light

and feel it

take it as it comes

let it wash over you

one wave at a time

you might feel like crying

let the tears come

you may feel like screaming a little

that is okay too

if you feel like dying

just remember

that kind of pain

only comes to someone

who is very much alive

Babies

my ears strain

for voices that are ringing out

elsewhere

resting in your beds

brings me closer

I catch your scents

in your pillows

I bury my face there

wanting every breath

to be full of that perfume

my fingers miss

the silken stretch

of you

sweet baby skin

always at my fingertips

now mountains stand between us

rivers and valleys

desert and snow

but in my heart

you always rest

a memory away

My Mate

I miss the mass of you

the solid

certain knowing

that with you beside me

I was safe

your brown skin

so  smooth

your tattoos speaking a little

of what was underneath

but not even touching

the whole of you

I miss the way you reached for me in your sleep

once you felt my breast beneath your hand

you would sigh

and sleep more peacefully

so would I

the world could go on

you and I

were the only ones

alone in time

and one

Head Spin

I’m feeling a little foolish

for awhile there

my heart was beating for you

that thump thump thump you heard

when you put your head on my breast

was a quiet way of saying

I cared

I guess I should have said it a little louder

or in a language you understood

maybe you got it the whole time

and it wasn’t what you wanted to hear

still

I won’t apologize

it was the sweetest thing

while it lasted

Race

run

run

as fast as you can

you can’t keep up

with the Jones’, man

they’ve got all the money

they’ve got all the stuff

they wallow in riches

while you have it rough

sit on your ass

watch your too big TV

wish you could be as ________ as me

pretty

slender

rich

well hung

smart

bespoke

with a honeyed tongue

it ain’t gonna happen

it never will be

nothing’s as ugly

as the American dream

Words

“I think the same place all this really great stuff is coming from is the place where all this SHIT is coming from, too.”  Dad sighs on the other end of the phone.  I can hear the words entering his brain and digging in. “Yeah, that’s probably true.”  He agrees with me.  Of course he does.  He almost knows me better than I know myself.  “I mean, who can LIVE like this?!?”  Dad sighs again, softly, but I can hear the volume of his caring in his sighs.  “You can.  You ARE!  You have been your whole life.  I don’t know where this idea comes from that you can’t.”  I pull the covers up over my head and stare at the beads of lint pilled up inches from my eyeballs.  I sigh.  “I’m tired.  I don’t want to talk about it anymore, k?  Thanks for lettin’ me yack at ya.”  Now I can hear him smiling over there, even though he doesn’t make a sound.  “Courtey-O?”  “Yeah?”  “I love when you yack at me.”

The Way It Is

I cannot hate you my dear

I do not go there

it has nothing to do with you at all

and everything to do with me

I must love

in everything I do

I will give you my heart

without hesitation

you may do with it as you please

whether you break it

or treasure it

makes no difference to me

my life is precious

I will take whatever comes