Now I Am She

It’s supposed to get easier

as time goes by

this living thing

this getting on

this passing of time

I have always fought it

it is the only way I know

 

from the first wrenching breath

that tore tender lungs

the gulping down of tubes

the beeping

and pricking

mechanical start

the woman who nursed me at her breast

stared down at me with cold eyes

there was no warmth for me there

so I shivered my way

forward

 

stumbling through my baby years

no tender murmurs

only the sting of smack

on nursling lips

the tug of needy hands

on Mama’s skirt

sternly yanked away

I was wretched

and alone

 

the desperate hunger

that comes from long denial

of the most basic

needs

love me

love me

oh love me

please

shining out from eyes

too sweet

satisfaction to you

who stole that gentle bit

from my soul

 

I managed it

I did

I grew up and

here I am                     

now I have chubby hands

tugging my own skirt

Mama

love me

love me

oh love me

please

and it only gets harder

I only fight harder

it’s all I know

I suppose

 

 

 

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One thought on “Now I Am She

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