sitting in a heat so damp I could choke on it
in the dark so the shame of me is blacked out a little bit
what makes it hurt to be me?
hurt so bad?
I feel that spot in my gut where
once upon a time both of my babies sat
it just feels soft and pliable
but there’s something dug way down deep in there
and it’s rooted in so damn tight.
I push the heels of my hands into my eyes until a spark lights them up
it hurts a little and I’m glad for it
if I could reach inside and scoop that piece out like a bruise on a peach
i’d have done it by now
maybe I could sleep at night?
maybe I could be a little less ashamed?
would I be able to breathe in one smooth gulp and laugh because it feels so good?
I fall asleep with my hand
nestled over the bad spot